most of the sentences returned to illegible blur - thought-effort reduced to what looks almost like a spilled ink well trying, sort of, to say ???. probably the kitten knocked a glass over. maybe it gave into tidal pulls ....
. her name is Sofi (the kitten). she tries to play with the pen tail as i write sometimes, while it moves in opposing rhythm with the lines across the page. her again, changing the forming letters to meaningless scribble. are these novel examples for a cat that's got one's tongue?
kept on kitchen counter or table, over the last 8+ months, the notebook caught many thoughts, like one of those junk drawers or closets or rooms where it's best to shut the door before company comes, if you are the sort that has company over. no point in keeping it though.- the notebook.- bloated wavey thick in the unique way paper and ink get once liquid is introduced.
so curious -the experience of flipping through the now dried crinkle pages and finding a scattering of intact sentences that weren't washed out. maybe 30 percent of the original text.or ...25. . my serendipitous editor, miss Sofi - what remains, the undamaged text - not really parsed together as a new fluent whole, but ... kind of in a way ... maybe ... i had a boyfriend in my twenties - still a dear friend - who challenged himself to use the words in a newspaper story and by crossing out, well, most of them, the few he let remain were his expressed new work - this reminds me a little of that. i don't necessarily agree with Sofi's discretion ... or indiscretion (better put? But) the following is what was left - her finished, approved work - not a poem or short story or exegesis, just an ode to "oh - look what the cat brought in!"
... a moments vast enclave; space insinuates much ado oh so subtly, about what is beyond its boundary - miles and miles of seconds and acres of stop watches lurching, then loping, retracing the down climb . not this again, daylight burdened by burning time flying by, bye bye killing time with a flyswatter (???)
"when the measure becomes a target it ceases to be a good measure (Charles Goodhart) ."
- a cup of stones dancing - i carry them in my hand, crossing dunes to build a peak, more solid - in awe of its patience with thirst we should go far into the heart - ten thousand miles long and find some place where there is not an inch of green,
save for one tree -then sit 500 feet deep beside it, sit with the frightening cause of this desert... sit very sweetly with it
Not quite yet, i murmur back into the murmur . falling just a bit in love with the historical sorrow of my bones. It feels like there may be a verse, a kindness, a moment of grace, faceless being round the corner awaiting reunion. ... just one more,
somewhere, every lost piece preventing solution for this unforeseen jigsaw's completion, is collecting, and resuming in some new form to fit the picture i still miss ...
what did i miss
hush and
suffer the width of freelance desire and tireless attendance to fight-flight ...frozen silence museum, incessant whisper, mutinous.
protected within non-existent somewhere's, so iridescent, subterranean, insistent ... i settle in stillness - it is there, yet i still don't quite get it
might the sound of my hushed sigh reach you so you could explain ...
... i let it out ~suspirion~
there's no reception.
i heard once that the fascia around the tongue travels down to root in the heart itself.
i feel this metaphysical physiology - crippling - i am left behind limping
relax go limp into the darkness of why
it has already arrived at its destination
( ...)
in a book ....
... and hold that this is a completely reason able thing to do.
cite your source and
i quote the pre ~ cise hind site blind side ... proud knowledge - to "know" implies certainty ... we quit questioning when we know we KNOW ALL READY already but just cuz ya all choose to quit asking ... the question's are still there. they are there. that solid, absolutist ground upon which a foot stomps - just stomp with care and don't move around too much .... the thing about knowledge, there is always a ledge - built right in ... allegedly.
another Poli word - again, unsure of the spelling, but phonetically - my neh - the wisdom of uncertainty - perhaps it's time to let go the age of reason and move into an age of humility. just take care not to pat ourselves on the back for this transition ...
the stones and ash and vases and broken broom handles and chairs with three legs and trees and trees and trees and shattered glass and trees ... they are watching
they are watching.
i wish we cared
more deeply
500 feet
( ... )
an apology to skin - mistaking it as a boundary ... again, we are seventy percent water ... some much more that i might be not an i at all but a possibility for water to experience it's self with such mobilized quiet grace amidst a craze of rotational limbs far beyond the sagittal plane (forward back up down) no no look what i can be all about and under over 360 rotational rumpus bump jumping land softly dance wildly BODY AS MOBILE TEMPLE fluid lucidity body language (de) scribing this anthology.
A LOVE LETTER TO HOPE WITHOUT OPTIMISM in all its EDGY RAGGED DESPARATION - ITS SURPLUS UNDIRECTED
i still carry on for you holding ... letting go ... holding hope open palm up so small
as to fit in a change pocket or let to rest in my ear like a tiny bird and we teeter on edge in homage to uncertainty and we wait in hope for mysterious domains - too often mistaken as attributes. this is to say,
hey you SELF APPOINTED mr. wise old man - one can't BE wise any more than one can be a moment in time or the scent rising from a lilac bush - time itself as a sort of terrain. wis dom (break it down - acronyms again) W.ait I.n S.tillness wis dom (domain) wis(e) dom(ain)
wisdom is not what anyone is or thinks or says so much as a place in the absence of all that , which through ... no body knows or can say, some wild wooly lovely grace one finds oneself - ... as soon as you notice you might be there
poof - the gained entrance is lost to
happenstance
* (a foot note foray digression into the word "perhaps" ... buckle in ...)
more than a synonym for maybe, maybe as perhaps ( per happen) ... happen stance: one's stance within any given occurrence (happening), at any given point in time, amidst the multitude of possible perhaps of happenstances. our stance is where we can take a stand as far as who we choose to be via response - water's incarnation for example - dancing - that we may be ... perhaps. softer words grounded in uncertainty - skinless and ephemeral.
(...)
if we are really indivisible under god, we can't divide ourselves from others as "one nation." (... by the way .... )
if you want to know about the moon, you might type a question into a favorite search engine directed towards "facts" about ... and end up at a NASA site with all sorts of knowledge including "the 5 characteristics of the moon" and other FACTS. Same again for the sun, categorized as a small yellow dwarf, though its light is white, and so on ...
I much prefer the word information rather than fact - when referring to human thought structures and ideas
in formation - a dynamic, malleable work in progress - a living entity ever forming and changing in a
wise domain: of happenstance. yes i much prefer that.)
* " (......) i do not know if you are lost
... in some futured near distant grieving i feel her cry in a sound that leaves most ear's undisturbed but stops all orbits for an instant
after that, nothing resumes as it was, or could ever again be -
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